dreamerboi23's Datingish

You're Beautiful . . . I think?

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 10:16:03 GMT

My response is a comment I left in response to "What is the Importance of Beauty?" posted by psykoaznballa@xanga

My response has in turn answered the question with a question.

Taking the science route (because after all I did major in it), you want and like physically attractive women because it is built into your DNA like it is built into everyone else. Why are women attracted to tall men with broad shoulders? Is this any different than what animals do when they mate? No. Because after all we are animals, specifically mammals. When we see boobs, legs, and physically attractive women we subconsciously think "dude I want to do her". But biologically we are saying, "she can breastfeed my children, her hips can successfully deliver my many children, and she is physically fit". That is why we are attracted to this stuff. It works the other way too for women, they just put emphasis on different factors but they are still there. For example, qualities supporting a family whether financial or in terms of physically fit to produce fit children. Is wealth and financial success not a turn on for women (at least the men who aren't cocky and self absorbed about it)? And I think it is universally known that attractive people, men or women, catch the attention of the opposite sex.

Alas why do you feel guilty about only wanting to be with an physically attractive bf/gf? Because unlike most animals, we have the ability to rationalize and socially interact in a way that doesn't require these physical characteristics. Socially, in a society where we, at least most of us, try to judge and be judged on things fairly and equally. In America for the most part, that is the founding idea. But something like physical attraction is innately unfair for the reason that not everyone is physically attractive. Although attraction is admittedly subjective, there is no one that finds everyone attractive (unless by some sick irony the least attractive person in the world might just by deduction). But as unfair as either seem, this is why as you get to personally know someone they can become more attractive to you. Because we have this ability to weigh and take in account an intellectual aspect to forming a connection with someone beyond the visuals of physical attraction.

Which should dominate your decision on choosing a gf and potential wife? Thats up to you decide. My questions to you, and the ones I think about or at least try to when I am meeting someone new is this. Would I still be interested in her if she wasn't pretty? What happens when she is older and she loses her looks or if I lose my looks? Or if some tragedy happens and someone loses their physical attractiveness? Will you stick around, will they? Is physical beauty what keeps you in a relationship or more importantly keeps a relationship viable?

I welcome both sexes to look at these questions and maybe in some way it will help you decide on what you value in a relationship.

"He's nice . . . but too nice"

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:14:05 GMT

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88037/dating-question-can-a-guy-be-too-nice/;_ylc=X3oDMTNlcTI1NGtkBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMjE0MjE2Mzc0MwRrA0NhbiBhIEd1eSBCZSBUb28gTmljZQRzZWMDZnBfdG9kYXkEc2xrA2RhdGluZy1xdWVzdGlvbi1jYW4tYS1ndXktYmUtdG9vLW5pY2UEenoDYWJ j

Can guys be too nice to date? If so what should guys be? In between nice and jerk?

All the single ladies . . . and err men

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 19:45:09 GMT

Being single for the last few years, I often wonder if my dating life would be easier if I was different. Maybe a little taller, different ethnicity, different interests etc . . . I enjoy the perks to being single though I won't deny being in a relationship feels good too. And though there have been opportunities, I felt that it wouldn't be honest of me to start relationships with a person if the feelings weren't there. To summarize my dating/relationship then would be best described as "messing around".

So thinking about my own challenges being single, I did as I normally do for a lot of things, I put myself in the shoes and mind frame of single women. I am sure women go through similar anxieties, if not more, as men. I caught a few episodes of the VH1 show "Tough Love" that only made me wonder more if being a single guy is worse than being a single woman.

Factors: Initiating dates, Waiting for calls, Rejection, Age, etc . . .

So taking in different factors, strictly towards dating, who has it easier or worse, single men or single women?

What Women Want . . . and like

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 11:22:53 GMT

How true are these?

Women’s Top Ten Favorite Conversation Topics
1. Hopes and aspirations
2. Hobbies/interests in general
3. Music
4. Dreams
5. Romance
6. Friends
7. Travel
8. Vacations
9. Movies
10. Entertainment

Women’s Top Ten Least Favorite Conversation Topics
1. Politics
2. Other dates
3. Past relationships
4. Science fiction
5. Religion
6. Celebrities
7. Science
8. Antiques
9. Money
10. History

Women’s Top Ten Date Picks
1. Restaurant
2. Taking a romantic walk
3. Park
4. Coffee shop
5. Live music
6. Comedy Club
7. Zoo
8. Bowling or Playing Pool
9. Amusement Park
10. Movies

Top Ten Restaurant Types for a Date
1. Casual dinner
2. Pub
3. Retro bar with live music
4. French cuisine
5. Ethnic
6. Pizza place
7. Western
8. Salad bar
9. Sushi bar
10. Family dinner

Women’s Top Ten Favorite Ways to Have Someone Flirt with Them
1. Talks about things she likes or dislikes, making comments and showing interest
2. Displays concern for her, her feelings and well-being
3. Shares jokes or amusing anecdotes with her
4. Compliments her on her attitude, personality and appearance
5. Sends her special/cute email messages
6. Makes an effort to contact her in some form most every day
7. Sends instant messages when she and you are online at the same time
8. Discusses seriously the traits she desires in a partner
9. Shows her your daring or mischievous side
10. Emails her greeting cards, gifts, pictures songs or fun attachments

We gave it our best, but now it is time to go our separate ways

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 10:22:21 GMT

For the past week, I have been dealing with computer issues. My computer got a virus. Running through all the various virus and malware scans, I would find more and more undetected trojans and remove them. Thinking each time that I have moved all of it, I would browse normally and my computer would glitch and restart itself. It was this past weekend that I finally threw in the towel and reformatted my hard drive.

What does this have to do with dating and relationships? I am typically a very pensive person. Sometimes my thoughts kind of tangent on and on about things that seemingly don't have any correlation yet somehow I find similarities and at times analogies to other aspects of my life. Well this is one of them.

I think most will agree that a person's computer is a very personal item. In a way a person's computer is a digital representation of a person that interacts with the world through the world wide web. Our computers hold our pictures, music, programs we use, and our accomplishments (resumes, letters, assignments/projects).

It was time for me to give in and start new. I grew tired of this virus making my computer (and sadly in some weird ways, my life) sick. I erased everything and started over. I have an external hard drive so I still have my music, pictures, and important documents. But assume I didn't. I had to sit for a moment and remember all the programs I needed to download again and install (AIM, Yahoo messenger, spybot search and destroy etc). It feels weird. It seems very resminiscent of a post relationship. You have to figure out who you were prior to your relationship. You have to try and recoupe things that you lost and get rid of the things that will only cause you more harm. And as time passes you learn from all the things you did in the past and try to improve yourself in your future behaviors, actions, and relationships. And though you continue to add more and more things in your life, it is never the same as it was before. Each relationship has its own unique spin and feel.

So my question is, when is it time to end a relationship (dating, bf/gf, or even marriage)? How can you tell when you have done everything in your power to make things work but ultimately realize it is time to move on?

The "Nice" rejection

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 08:47:19 GMT

So I have went out with this girl a couple of times and chatted on the phone on several occasions. I have decided that I do not want to pursue a relationship with her for several reasons.

1) I am not attracted to her. Why did I go out and talk to her to begin with? As nice as I was trying to be, I didn't want to be shallow. She seemed like a nice person so I wanted to give her a chance and maybe a connection would spark, which leads to 2.

2) There is no connection. With all the women I have been interested in the past I have always had this eagerness to call them and talk to them. I never felt that way with her. We talked on a few occasions but they weren't the "all night" and insightful chats that I have experienced beforehand. I don't get the butterflies to talk to her or see her. We have few common interests. And when I am with her I don't feel as if my time with her is better than time being by myself.

3) Our schedules don't work. She works graveyard and I work mid-day to evening. She is also on call on the weekends. On top of that she lives a good 30 mins away when traffic is good.

I have chatted with her off and on since our last date but it is drawing out. I am trying to find a way to tell her but all I am ending up with is the cliche line "you are nice, but I think we should just be friends" which is truly how I feel. My coworker (who is male) said I should just be honest about it and once I am done saying it just walk away from it, if she wants to be friends thats her decision. I have asked some of my female friends, if a guy you liked was rejecting you, what would be the best way to do it such that you still wanted to be friends with them? Both were stumped. One of them suggested just being polite but direct. The second friend suggested I make a white lie about it. (ie not ready for a commitment) which is not true by the way and is something that would not work since one of our conversations was specifically about commitment. I have always felt its important to be honest and I think its better for people to be direct about dating rather then to let people worry over it. I know people tend to just ignore the person until they get the hint. Although that might be an alternative it is something I prefer not to do.

It reminds me of something Donald Trump said in regards to firing people. He says he has tried being the nice guy, the understanding guy, the direct guy, and angry guy. It doesn't matter how you say it or do it, in the end you are the bad guy because you have to fire someone. I feel as if no matter what I do the result will still be the same. I have always considered myself a nice guy, but this seems like one of the occasions where I have to be a bad guy.

What would be the best way to reject someone? Is there a nice way to reject someone, such that they did not feel hurt by it? If so, does it require lying or leaving someone hanging so you don't seem like the bad person?

Introduction

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 12:02:47 GMT

hi everyone my name is Kenneth. I have read Datingish for a while and I have to say it is pretty interesting. So I figured since I read it occasionally and comment frequently why not make my own blog. Hopefully my topics of discussion will get posted or at the least be read. Though my intentions of posting aren't to get my entries posted but to spark interesting conversations. I chose the long and desolate highway as my background because, as much I would like to deny it, I am maverick in a lot of aspects in my life (not John McCain). I am a very independent person and I am just use to handling things myself. Not that I wouldn't want the company, but my experiences have shown me that there aren't very many people you can trust, and even less you can rely on. I still keep an open mind that I will meet more and more friends that will reaffirm my belief that this thinking isn't the best, but I am not holding my breath. My profile picture is a dog. Because as sweet and charming as I am, I, like all guys, am a dog. I am just a cute one and a jerk doggie as demonstrated by the picture. I don't write the best in terms of grammatical correctness, but hopefully the content of my discussions make up for that. Thanks for taking the time to visit my blog and I hope to hear from you regarding your thoughts and opinions.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 11:54:53 GMT

Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!"